I Know How She Does It
Sharing how my life runs in case it helps yours :)
A few years ago, I came across a book that walked through working mom’s schedules and the systems and logistics in place behind making their lives happen.
If that sounds boring to you, congratulations - you probably don’t need someone else’s schedule to help you refine your own.
But, if you find yourself in early motherhood, or any new season with young kids, there’s a decent chance you’re looking around trying to figure out how everyone else is making their lives work. It feels different from comparison, and more like a genuine question of:
how are you getting dinner on the table on nights after work and swim lessons?
how do you balance one kid’s nap schedule with school pickup and t-ball?
how many hours of childcare do you have?
is your grocery bill a million dollars? mine feels like it’s always climbing?
when are you finding time to move your body?
do you have friends? when you do see them?
So today, I’m breaking down the system for how my life has been working for the last significant chunk of time, in the hopes that maybe my routines and rhythms would help you figure out yours.
Because I’m assuming the details of my life won’t apply to everyone, I’ll give this week’s challenge up front: build on last week’s calendaring. If the goal last week was to notice & decide, the goal this week is to reflect & tweak:
Are there values you hold as a family (or an individual) that aren’t reflected in the week, as it currently is structured? Similar to how looking at your spending is a clarification of your values, looking at your calendar is a really helpful gut-check in how you are spending your time.
What would it take to meet your needs? Or even wants?
Maybe a walk after dinner?
Time for a weekly call with a long-distance friend?
Time for you to create something: like a new recipe, craft, or skill?
Would it require a babysitter? Asking your partner or parent to step in? Asking a family member or neighbor for help? Or accountability? Or do you just need to put your phone down?
Are there seasonal rhythms that have made you happy in past summers - if so, how can you make space for them as the weather changes and schools/childcare structures shift?
Why Does This Feel Relevant Now?
The first reason is that summer can be a time of overwhelm and chaos as parents… so much structure goes out the window. And it’s easy to look at your calendar the next couple of months and forget to breathe… when it could actually go really well… with a few systems and routines, it might actually be amazing?
The second reason is this: a couple of weeks ago, one of the hosts of a motherhood podcast I love (and listen to weekly) cited a conversation we had had via instagram. She was talking about transitioning out of survival mode as a mom… she was reflecting that while survival mode is necessary for a time while postpartum, there is a season when you are itching to settle into a new normal, which she had hit. She was asking for advice in how to transition.
My advice was: assume you can. Ask yourself what might help your mood, your energy, and your days.
Then ask: what it would take to make it happen?, instead of defaulting to “this isn’t my season”, “there isn’t space”, or my personal favorite: “we don’t have room in the budget for that”.
I’m sharing this because we currently have a system that works - our system isn’t so delicate that a cold can make the whole thing fall like dominos. To be super clear - there have been a couple seasons of my life that have very much felt this way… like we were one toddler tantrum or hard work day away from it all falling apart.
But, this isn’t one of them.
And I think it’s because we have enough systems and support that feel good - we’ve built enough deposits into our week that the withdrawals don’t feel so noticeable.
Perhaps the most clear data around this: my husband has traveled for 4 days straight, 2x in the last month. I’m also in my third trimester, have 3 kids, and work. We don’t have local family for support. And while I was tired when he returned home from his last trip, I wasn’t past the point of functioning.
We’ve invested our time, money, and relationships that make things work, even when we are, inevitably disrupted.
And I think this is true for most moms at some point:
postpartum drowns margins of time
a really hard toddler stage humbles the gentlest of parents
the chaos of after school activities leaves everyone depleted
feedback from a teacher feels like a personal attack
And sometimes, tweaking your routines is what you need to regain your footing. So without further ado - here is my weekly schedule.
***Of COURSE there are changes, disruptions, and bumps every single week. And, we are about to shift ours as we welcome a new family member this summer. But in an ideal world, we know what to expect and who to count on for what.
I put a lot of notes in there, so feel free to take what’s helpful and absolutely, leave the rest!
