In The Moment

For those of us who have a hard time being where our feet are

I had a magical moment of motherhood last week - it was the early evening and I was prepping dinner. I had gotten off work a little early and came home to happy kids. You know when you walk in the door and they all come to you for hugs, yelling, “Mama!”?

But perhaps the most magical moment was after the initial snuggles, when they left me for one another. Three little people - peacefully playing PJ Masks in the backyard, each of them with a character they were responsible for, before coming inside at dusk for a dance party.

They were holding hands and including one another, giggling, and just playing.

Let me start by saying that this is not normal - that’s why it felt special. Usual in our house is an ebb and a flow of play, conflict, tears, repair, repeat. A mentor of my husband’s told him when we had a third child that three kids is a tipping point of chaos: it’s rare that all three are having a good day, or an easy season. And boy, was he right :)

But, on that special night, all I could think about was how do I create more of this?.

What in our day led me to this moment?

Was it playing at the park after school?

Me coming home a bit early?

Did they eat differently?

How did everyone sleep?

What was the magical sauce that led me here?

What data can I gather to recreate this moment?

I use the term “data” often in therapy, and in life. I often find it helpful to reflect and evaluate… to assess what’s working and what’s not. But it can also be a distracting grasp at controlling situations, instead of enjoying them.

And in that moment, I didn’t actually want data. I really wanted to be in the moment. Soaking up an unique night where 5/5 people in my family were happy, content, and enjoying one another. I wanted to store that moment away in my mind and my bones…

On that night, I had a realization that those “good old days” moments that grandmas tell you about in the supermarket, when you have babies crawling all over you and throwing snacks into your cart, might not be entire seasons of life - they might be the fleeting moments in time, like that magical evening, where everything and everyone felt just right.

No tears

no conflict

no raised voices

no stealing of toys.

And those moments feel worth soaking up.

I don’t know if you have moments like this? Where you get distracted from living the life that’s actually in front of you because your anxiety is worried about feeling that way again?

Just me?

I have a lot of evidence to suggest it’s not :)

So this week, I wanted to share a tool we can all use, to ensure you aren’t missing the moments you’ve dreamed of because you are onto another problem to solve - whether it’s recreating a good moment, or blowing past one activity because the next one is on the calendar.

It’s a tool that I use often in my personal life, and it’s called the 5 Senses.

This practice is a grounding technique… it’s used in therapy as a way of bringing you back into the moment, when your mind is getting away from you, and you want to refocus on: the kids in your care, the tasks on your to-do list, or the best parts of the hour you are actually living in.

It’s for the moment after you realize that you’re spiraling, as a gentle push back.

5 Senses

In that moment when you start to feel yourself slipping into another time: whether it’s future or past, I want you to gently bring yourself back with 5 questions:

• Are there 5 things you can see? Name them.

• 4 things you can feel? Touch them.

• 3 things you can hear? Notice them.

• 2 things you can taste? List them.

• 1 thing you can smell? Take a whiff!

This practice isn’t meant to be a test - there are no “right answers”... it’s a recalibration. It’s also not intended to be fancier than your reality… name the actual things around you, and notice what your body is literally experiencing right now.

It’s a really simple way to bring your brain and body back into the moment that you’re actually living in. It’s also a great one to use when you start to feel your temperature increasing, as a tangible way to bring it back down.

So please, try it out this week, and as always - let me know if it’s helpful. I’m so encouraged when I hear from you about the practices that stick!

• me & the 3 little monkeys