January Rules

permission to pay attention to what you need, right now

Everyone I know who has children has spent the first 6 weeks of the year completely obliterated by one virus after another.

I’ve had a cold for 3 straight weeks, and my husband and I jokingly ask one another each day - “Do you think we will ever not be congested?”.

Or is it just me and my family? ;)

A few nights ago, I turned on a movie for my kiddos… we had had a long day, filled with work, adventures, and honestly a whole lotta rain.

I live in Northern California, and while our weather is likely envious to most of the country, it’s been a really rainy season, and that, combined with all the sickness, has left us feeling really depleted.

If you don’t know, I have 3 kiddos: 6, 4, and 2. The oldest is in a hybrid program where she’s home 2 school days a week, and the other two are home full time (either with me, my husband, or our beloved nanny). I love our schedule. I love having the kiddos home. And also, it’s a lot of time we spend in our space!

On what felt like the 10th straight day of rain, my kids were literally crawling up the walls….

So, movie night it was.

The kids flipped out - what a treat! They’re thrilled and asking for popcorn immediately.

And as I was turning on the movie, I realized something important.

After 6 years of parenting, I have a flow.

I know that screen time (TV) makes my kiddos a little nutzo. We normally have really clear, predictable boundaries around when it is and isn’t okay. In our house, show time is after lunch, before naps and quiet time. It’s a chance for me (and them) to breathe a bit before our full-on break. They don’t ask for it outside of the time they know they get it, and it’s a daily rhythm we both enjoy.

But, this year, I recognized that there’s also a flow to the year… in January (and honestly, probably for a few more weeks), we need a little more grace and flexibility to keep us sane. It’s a temporary solution for when it’s pounding rain, we’ve played with all the legos, baked, and done all the things. Morale is low and sometimes, you just need January rules.

There can be an immediate self-judgement - especially when it comes to screens - for moms to bend the rules, or do things that they know are not ideal for their families. But I’m learning that what works in July, doesn’t work in January - for clothing, food, and it turns out - screens.

I know this goes against the conventional energy around New Years and January being a “fresh start”. I’m the ultimate New Year’s hype girl, so I’m learning to live in both worlds - dreaming big about the new year, being conscious about checking in on what is and isn’t working in my family and my life, and also…. Understanding that this snuggly, cold, inside-focused time of year is temporary.

I told a friend a few months back - “I’m a really great mom when it’s light until 630 or 7pm. We’re at the parks - adventuring all over town!”. But even since then, I think I’ve evolved.

I don’t see January rules around screen time as evidence of failure - I see them as an awareness of what we need, in the season we're in.

In a few weeks, the days will get longer, my capacity (and mood) will evolve. We will be through what I consider to be the hardest season of the year to parent (christmas - day light savings), and we will reset, with new rules, hopes, and routines.

But for now, I’m enjoying our January rules, and wanted to give you permission to do the same.

Photo: of a sunnier time :)