The Free Mental Health Tool That I Don't Want To Tell You

& you don’t want to hear.

It would be easy to start with the statistics. To scare you into acknowledging that the way you interact with screens (in general, and your phone, specifically) makes you more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and a task-switching habit that mirrors the effects of ADHD.

We could start with the reality that screen time AND phone time increase stress and decrease quality sleep. 

But we already know that, right? It’s not a secret. Social media isn’t new. The jury isn’t out. The research is in. We know that the way we interact with these apps, news, and the constant availability isn’t good for us. 

But we still do it, so what good is one more round of research?

Instead, I want to appeal to a different part of you. The parenting part. 

• The one that feels immediate shame when your kids ask you to put your phone away…

• The one that feels like you’re missing moments that matter - eye contact, snuggles, and memories you won’t get back because of the need to finish reading about a stranger's day…

• The one that worries that one day your kid will use their phone like you do…

To rewind - tech addiction is something I’ve been reading about, trying to understand, and control in my own, personal life for years. I bought the light phone 2 years ago, in the hope that it would allow me to be available for the most important stuff, but drown out the unnecessary noise. 

But my experience might be similar to yours? My life was too dependent on the conveniences of having a smartphone, and switching it off disrupted me in ways I wasn’t prepared for. I wanted the news/social media break. I didn’t want the inability to turn on music for my kids in the car, the loss of navigation, not being able to read my kindle, and the tough reality of losing the convenience of adding things to my grocery list, and then forgetting them once I could. Technology really does help my life in very concrete ways. 

So I tried other things - I “gave my phone a home”, which essentially meant that I could be on my phone as much as I wanted, as long as it was plugged in and on the counter. The natural boundary of having to stand up kept me from wasting hours scrolling (especially while pregnant). This was my most effective attempt so far! But, still, something was missing. 

Then, early this year, my husband started experimenting with a digital sabbath. If you are rolling your eyes, please know that I did too. Aggressively. For months. 

Let me start by acknowledging - the word “sabbath” has religious connotations. In our family, that’s part of the significance. In yours, it might not be. But, the idea is that for 24 hours, we take a break from our phones, computers, and TV. We aren’t big TV people, but the phones and computer abstinence is a big change from our daily habits; I am a therapist, who sees a significant part of my caseload via telehealth, and my husband runs a company, so tech is a big part of our jobs!

Back to my husband’s digital sabbath…. 

To be fair, he was a little dramatic about it, telling me before he turned his phone in, and repeating how he couldn’t do things that I asked over the next 24 hours because “he was on his sabbath”. 

Those high & mighty vibes that annoyed and distracted me from seeing the reality; turning tech off for 24 hours a week, despite the demands of his job, was making him a better person. He seemed more grounded, intentional, and less reactive. He would play with our kids in a way he hadn’t before, when he was giving spare moments to twitter and email. He was reading hard copies of books at a CRAZY rate, and sleeping like a rock for 9 hours each week. 

It made me wonder: maybe I was in the wrong? 

So I tried it for a few weeks. And turns out, I was high on it too! What a miracle drug - to feel your attention returning. To feel completely in control of your phone use. It was a revelation… until it too was inconvenient. So, I petered out, sneaking my phone back to finish notes from my work week (a worthy cause), or squeeze a workout in (I use a digital service! Not my fault!) or pull up a recipe (I had forgotten to print it!), until I was just back on my phone that whole day. 

But a few months ago, I started noticing that I was on-edge more. That the pace of our weeks and commitments was catching up with me.

And if I’m being honest -  the reality of our daughter beginning school and having other influences outside of our home, in a more powerful way than ever before, had me thinking about my time and attention.

I knew that I needed a reset, and I decided to give a digital sabbath another try. 

And man, has it been good. I find that the 24 hours away from my phone resets my brain in a way that is delightful and addictive. It turns out, 

• The emails are still there when I return

• I can put paper on the counter and write down a to-do list

• It doesn’t need to start and end at a specific time… it can flex to fit our schedule. 

• Walking our neighborhood is a lovely workout

So this week, my challenge is to create a sabbath. It can be 6 hours, 12 hours, or 24 - whatever you need to create a little space in your life, while still feeling attainable… After much experimentation, I’ve found that my idea time is midday Saturday - midday Sunday, but like I said, I tweak it based on our commitments for the week. 

The goal isn’t to create shame about another thing we aren’t doing well . The goal is to give our minds and bodies a break, on a consistent basis. For me, it’s also been a chance for my mind to wander, reflect, and think about things I normally don’t make space for.

FWIW -  I had another post scheduled for this week. Yesterday, I was lagging on starting my digital sabbath (I’m not perfect with it, by any means), but then I started stepping away from my phone, and the muscle memory kicked in… it’s almost like my body and mind were craving the break. 

Now, 24 hours in - I feel really good again. Completely reset, and ready for the week. 

And it felt too important not to share with you. :)